Days of Darkness
by Walken-on-sunshine
Summary: REVISED TITLE!Ella is entering into the most uncertain period of her life, what with the Lord Voldermort rising and her parents lives at stake. Desperate times call for desperate measures and the insufferable Sirius Black is called upon to keep Ella safe
1. Prologue

Love is blind, stupid and downright sadistic some times. When you're young and naïve you believe in it so innocently and completely that it takes you totally by surprise when it turns around and tears your heart out then stuffs it down your throat. I watched this happening to everyone around me and was a shoulder to cry on for all the girls in my dorm at one time or another and silently resolved never to let myself get into a situation where I could be hurt in that way . I turned my back on love but sadly love would not give me up that easily and threw an obstruction in my path. The obstruction went by the name of Sirius Black.


	2. The deadly duos

**_A/N; As you may have noticed, I'm slightly altering the chapters so rather than there being 8 really short ones, I'm sticking some of them together where appropriate so that they will be longer. I hope that this doesn't cause to much confusion but I thought that in the long run it would probably be more effective._**

* * *

My friend Katy often accused me of replacing romance with work, but I always disagreed with her. Why did love always have to be our number one priority in life? Why was my being more concerned with school and getting good grades than boys and going on dates so unacceptable to all my friends? At least when Lily was still single I had an ally against the other love- crazed girls in my dorm, but since she started seeing James Potter she was just as crazy as the rest of them.

When our Seventh Year at Hogwarts rolled around, life for me became even harder as my friends went from having silly little liaisons with boys that would end an hour later when they saw him turning another girls hair green, to proper relationships. Lilly, my partner in crime was suddenly deeply in love with James, the boy she claimed to despise just four months before. The world had well and truly gone mad- I was the only one of them who was still sane! Weekends at Hogsmeade stopped being about us girls going out and having fun, and became dating central. Couples were everywhere, they were sitting in front of me in the pub when I tried to get and afternoon drink, they were laughing next to me in the joke shop and they were making out behind the shrieking shack! Nowhere was safe from the deadly duos!

Work was less a replacement and more a refuge for me. Alone in the common room on a Sunday afternoon was the perfect get away from the terrifying world of coupledom outside. So while the rest of my friends were off canoddling at Hogsmeade, I escaped into a world of figures, potions and magic. I guess I sound pretty boring, but before my friends turned into muffin-brained, relationship addicts I knew how to have fun. We used to have outrageous nights, safely locked up in our dorm, where Katy would perform miracles night after night by turning water into wine. Our wild parties used to carry on till dawn, just the four of us having a good time without a boy in sight. Those nights finished the night Lilly tried to smuggle James in- alarms went off and we've been under scrutiny ever since. Another perfectly good way to have fun ruined by the opposite sex and girls inability to function without them.

By this point I had well and truly given up on love, it just seemed to get in my way and take all of my friends from me. However love was more cunning than I gave it credit for, and by the time the first snow had laid a soft, white blanket across the endless Hogwarts grounds, love had devised it's first plan and operation Sirius was finally put into action.

* * *

I don't think that I have ever been unfortunate enough to meet anyone who loves themselves quite as much as Sirius Black seemed to. Wherever he was, a mirror was never more than 3 feet away even if he happened to be stuck in the middle of an airless vent of nothingness. He was beautiful, I'll give him that, really out of this world good looking but my God did he know it! He was the type of guy that you'd see holding hands with some girl on the third floor one minute then catch making out with a completely different girl by the library five minutes later. He was also the boy who had caused my friends the most anguish in the past, Katy had been intoxicated by him for almost three years before she met her boyfriend Dave, and I can't tell you how many nights she spent crying over him. A part of me found it all quite pathetic but then again I suppose I didn't understand what it really felt like to be in love. I wouldn't say I disliked Sirius, I just saw past his smooth talking, well groomed exterior to the shallow pit that lay beyond. You would never catch my swooning over his "puppy dog eyes" or falling over myself to be his partner in potions whenever James decided to pair up with Lilly which was starting to happen more often that not. Sadly when Lilly went with James it also meant that I was out of a partner and soon enough the inevitable happened, and Professor Nerf forced Sirius and I together one fateful Thursday afternoon. This was just the beginning of Operation Sirius, and soon enough the two of us were made to do a presentation together on the Properties of effervesce Beans, the vegetable that brings the Bubble out in all of us.

'Would you please take this more seriously Sirius, and put those bubbles down! I knew I shouldn't have given them to you.' I scowled, snatching the new longer lasting enchanted bubbles from his hands before the room turned into a smaller version of the Bubble works.

'Oh come on Ella, its just a stupid Potions assignment. We'll just go in there, blow a couple of bubbles and we'll have aced it.' Moaned Sirius as he slumped back on his chair. It was now past twelve and everyone else had gone to bed hours ago, but I'd forced Sirius to stay and help me with the project he'd been avoiding all week.

'You know that isn't what the beans do Sirius, now will you please focus- I wish I'd never even considered bringing actual bubbles into his, I should have known you wouldn't be mature enough to use them sensibly.' I remarked prissily, throwing the biggest book I could find onto his lap.

'There bubbles for Christ sake Ella- there not supposed to be used sensibly.' He replied wearily, rubbing at his eyes, which were no longer smoulderingly attractive, just red and bleary. I could tell that I was starting to irritate him but it served him right for attempting to let me do the whole thing by myself. We sat in silence for a while, as I skimmed through 'Water and its enchanted properties' and made notes whilst Sirius simply drummed his fingers on the chair impatiently. It would probably have been a lot easier without him there distracting me, but I didn't want him to get away with doing absolutely no work- it was simply the principle of the thing.

'Hey I have an idea, why don't you try a bean to demonstrate what it does.' He said finally, perking up at the idea. I raised my eyebrow at him sardonically, but he seemed completely taken with his new proposal.

'Sirius you know exactly what the beans do and I do not feel like turning into a human sized bubble at this moment in time.' I retorted scathingly. Sirius sighed dramatically

'Well that's the only way I can see this project ever being remotely interesting, you know we could play pop the Ella bubble, it'll be great- could become the new monopoly' He muttered.

'Sirius you really do speak some tremendous crap sometimes.' I snapped

'You're just bitter you didn't think of it first.' He replied with a slight grin. I tried to ignore him, but it all got a bit to much when he began giving me a demonstration of how Pop the Ella Bubble would be played.

'You see I think we should play it on brooms and you could float around the grounds while we go after you with lance like sticks.' He exclaimed, jumping from the chair and bursting an imaginary bubble.

'Right that's it, bed time I think.' I declared, snapping the book shut.

'Okay then mum.' He replied, putting extra emphasis on the last world. I glared at him and stalked off to my dorm.

'Nighty night Ella.' He called after me, but his only reply was the sound of the door slamming.

Love would have to try harder than that in future if it stood a chance of beating me.

A/N: I know that was terrible, but I was trying to build a foundation for Sirius and Ella's relationship.

If you didn't know, The Bubble works is a ride a Chesington World of Adventures where you sit in a dinghy type thing and go through this tunnel of bubbles.


	3. The art of bomshell dropping

_**A/N; As you may have noticed, I'm slightly altering the chapters so rather than there being 8 really short ones, I'm sticking some of them together where appropriate so that they will be longer. I hope that this doesn't cause to much confusion but I thought that in the long rum it would probably be more effective.**_

* * *

I guess I should tell you that Sirius and I both received top marks for the Effervesce Beans project, no thanks to him, and through another twist of fate Professor Nerf fell seriously ill soon afterwards which meant we had to teach ourselves the remainder of the course. The brief period of being Potion partners with Sirius had drawn to a close, and the two of us reverted back to being mere acquaintances that happened to share a common room. However we forgot the two other things, which linked us together, Lily and James. As they spent more and more time together, Sirius and I both found that the only way to keep in contact with our best friends was to accept that they were now a couple, and hanging out with one inevitably meant being with the other one to.

At first I spent time with the two of them rather reluctantly, having already formed my own ideas of James over the years. Thankfully though, most of these ideas turned out to be dead wrong, and by the time Christmas rolled around I no longer put up with James out of necessity.

I had always found him a condescending, smart ass bully who simply adored himself, but I discovered that James Potter was one of the sweetest, funniest, most considerate people I had ever had the pleasure to know, and was forced to admit that Lily and James' form of love did not seem so terrible as I had once envisioned.

I even managed to accompany the two of them to Hogsmeade one weekend and I had an absolutely terrific time before they snuck off behind the Shrieking Shack and I was left to trail after Katy and Susan for the rest of the day. But it was nice to know that not all boys were as conceited and lethargic as Sirius Black.

The next round fought between romance and I began the day that I received a letter from my parents, informing me, amongst other things such as the cat was doing okay and Nanny Rose was recovering from her cold, that the two of them were going into hiding as they'd received inside information that The Dark Lord happened to be honing in on them. If they didn't make themselves disappear soon then he would do it for them.

'WHAT!' I shrieked as I read it, infuriated by the casual way they chose to notify me that a mad tyrant was after them. The least they could to was have a member of staff gently break it to me.

I was vaguely aware of a hundred pairs of eyes watching me curiously, but I was to shocked and angry to care.

'What's wrong Ella?' Asked Lily, who seemed to be the person my friends elected to question me on my outburst

'They've only gone into bloody hiding! What am I supposed to do about Christmas? And I bet they haven't even found Tilley a place to stay! Honestly, those two never plan anything right' I exploded, chucking the letter at her. Lily went pale as she read the parchment, then looked back at me, along with the rest of the table.

'Ella, I think you're missing the point. Your parents could be in serious danger.' She said softly, touching my hand tentatively.

'Of course they're not; they're just being melodramatic. They left the country last year when they heard that Azcaban was being refurbished- they were convinced a load of convicts would escape and attack them. My Nan probably said that He who should not be named seemed to be going after people with surnames beginning with R and they somehow gathered from that, that they were in grave danger.' I exclaimed. Lily still looked horrified. I didn't blame her; I was horrified to when I found out that my parents were residing in a cave in Egypt until the refurbishments were over.

'Ella, it says here that they can't even tell you where they're going in case the information gets into the wrong hands- that sounds pretty serious.' Remarked Katy, who also looked a little shaken by the news. In fact I was the only person who seemed to understand how trivial it all really was- my parents were complete drama-queens!

'Shall we go back to the common room so you can calm down- I'm sure Professor Whelks will understand.' Lily murmured gently.

'I am calm' I bellowed, getting up and stomping out of the room.

Whenever my nerves became frazzled, I used to like to go up to common room and sit upside down on a chair whilst humming the theme tune to Happy Days- I don't know why but it always managed to calm me down- perhaps it was the process of draining the blood from my head. So that is precisely what I did- thankfully the room was empty although the previous time I had tried it I had terrified a new first year who I hadn't seen sitting in a corner.

I was in the middle of the second chorus when who do you think came crawling out of the portrait tunnel? Why Sirius Black, that's who.

'What in God's name are you doing?' He exclaimed

'I'm calming down' I retorted shortly, wishing that he would leave me alone.

'Well is there any reason for this little performance?' He asked, watching me in a bemused way.

'You know why I'm annoyed, you were in the hall!' I cried, becoming more and more irritated by his unwelcome presence.

'Actually I was talking to Dumbledore in the library so I have absolutely no idea why you're sitting upside down in a chair humming some God- awful tune.' He drawled, leaning back against the wall lazily.

'Well it might amuse you to hear that I'm stuck here for Christmas whilst my parents hide out in a cave somewhere, like Peru.' I exclaimed.

'Cool, I'm staying at Hogwarts over the holidays to.' He grinned.

My draw dropped, as if my day couldn't get any worse!

* * *

I didn't receive any more news from my parents after that one letter, and I have to admit I did start to get rather worried. Three days later as I was sitting (more like sleeping) through a particularly boring lesson of Muggle Studies, a rather nervous looking 3rd year shuffled into the classroom and mumbled something about Dumbledore wanting to see me right away in his office. ME! I'd never done anything in my life that would warrant a trip to the headmaster's office- someone had framed me, I was sure of it. It was probably Sirius Black, in a twisted attempt to get me back for yelling at him the other day (after he told me he'd be accompanying me over the Christmas break I screamed at him until he put a silencing charm on me and refused to take it off unless I danced the Hokey Cokey. In retaliation, I turned his hair into slugs and refused to reverse it until he told Hagrid that he fantasised about him in nothing but rabbit- skin underwear.)

I slowly dragged myself from the classroom, my heart pounding against my chest, and followed the terrified little kid down the hall.

Dumbledore was sitting at his desk, deeply enthralled in a terrifically long piece of yellowing parchment. He looked up when he heard me come in and gave me a funny, sad little smile, and then beckoned me into a huge, comfortable chair opposite him.

'Ah Ella, it isn't often that I have the pleasure of your company although these are rather… regrettable circumstances.' He remarked gently, stroking his greying beard.

'I have to tell you sir that whatever it is I swear I didn't do it- feed my truth serum and I'll still tell you it wasn't me.' I burst.

He looked at me in utter astonishment, as though he had absolutely no I idea what I was talking about- funnily enough it turned out that he actually didn't.

'What on Earth do you mean Ella? The reason that I called you here was to discuss your parents…situation.' He replied. It was at that moment that it suddenly dawned on me just how serious the danger my parents were in truly was. Dumbledore didn't get involved unless things were pretty bad.

'At the moment they are safe and well, but I'm afraid not even I know their exact whereabouts. We decided that it would be safest to keep you here where I can personally watch over you, but it is still unclear just how long your parents will be away for.' He told me tentatively, his clear blue eyes watching me with a mixture of sympathy, regret and sadness. He knew as well as I did that the future did not look good for my parents.

'So they weren't being melodramatic?' I croaked, suddenly feeling extremely sick.

'I'm afraid not, negotiations for there departure have been going on in secret for weeks, but getting information to you was far to dangerous. We are living in perilous times Ella and from now on you will have to be extra careful in all aspects of your life. Luckily I have been informed that Sirius Black is also staying over Christmas, and so I ask that the two of you to stay together at all times.' He said sombrely, and because of his serious tone I didn't even try to disagree- in fact I was almost glad that there would be someone else staying with me, it made me feel safer.

'Do you think I'll ever see them again?' I asked, my eyes searching for any sign of doubt on his face. He did not meet my gaze; instead he looked back at the parchment he still clutched in her hands.

'All of our best people are doing everything in their power to keep your parents safe Ella, if anyone stands a chance against the Dark Lords its them.' He replied after a while. I suppose he was trying to phrase it in a way that still gave me hope, but didn't promise anything.

After I had left Dumbledores office, I felt lost and disorientated. I couldn't face having to go back to lessons still feeling so awful, so I resolved to take a walk around the grounds to clear my head.

Subconsciously I had been preparing for this news for a long time, ever since my parents started working against Voldermort, but it had still come as a tremendous shock.

I was halfway round the lake when I suddenly realised just how cold it was, and that I'd left my coat in the Muggle Studies classroom. The harsh winter winds whipped round me, as I shivered violently, wrapping my arms around my body to try and generate some warmth.

'Y'all righ' there young un? Came a gruff voice from behind me. I turned to face Hagrid, who was lugging a large deer- like creature over his shoulder.

'Um, yes…actually no not really, my parents are in hiding.' I muttered feeling rather dazed.

'Ah I see.' He said, looking pretty uncomfortable.

'Well come on then, ya can't stand out in the cold, I'll make some tea or somethin'.' He replied, leading the way to his little hut. I followed his enormous figure, and was immensely grateful for the warmth and comfort of his humble home. He busied himself in the kitchen area, setting out the teacups and a strange assortment of cakes and then bringing it all through to me on a large, wooden tray.

'Ere you are Ella, take a cake.' He instructed, and so I uncertainly took a rock- cake. My teeth almost broke on the impact; I guess it wasn't called a rock cake for nothing.

'Now, whas all this about yer parents?' He asked, giving me a piping hot cup of tea that slurped down my cloak.

'Well it turns out that they're in hiding and they can't tell me where they are. I have to stay here over Christmas while they spend it God knows where.' I exclaimed, upsetting my tea all over me.

'Oh God- I'm so sorry, look at me coming in here and getting tea all over your floor!' I cried, feeling despair rising in my chest.

'S'all right Ell..' He began, but I interrupted.

'I just don't know what to do with myself- I don't even know if I'll ever see either of them again and if I'd have known that last time I was with them was, you know, the last time then I would have done things differently. I just feel so utterly wretched, everything's so messed up and I have no idea what's going to happen to me.' I burst, shaking with the weight of it all, but still feeling unable to cry. Rather than say anything, Hagrid simply crushed me in his gigantic arms.

I tried to calm myself down, but my eyes felt as though they were burning.

'S'all righ' Ella, you're paren's are safe wherever they are.' He said reassuringly

'But I don't know that- all I can do now is wait around until they tell me that he's got them, its as though I'm simply waiting to hear the inevitable.' I exclaimed, but my voice was muffled against his arm.

'You've jus gotta hope for the bes' Miss Ella.' He sighed after thinking for a while. It turned out that this was the best piece of advice that any one could give me.

After another cup of tea Hagrid took me back to the castle, where I went straight to my room and collapsed with exhaustion. It was most definetly the worst day I had ever experienced and I had made it through- that had to mean something. I had no idea what the future held, but I had a sinking feeling that it would be nothing good. I was both right and so very wrong about this yet right then it didn't really matter. All that mattered was my parents were safe, and so was I. For the time being at least.


	4. Putting his royal foot in it

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

A/N: I know that it's been awhile, but I'm finally back and my writer's block has lifted. Again thanks to everyone out there who has reviewed this story, I hope this next chapter does not disappoint! I changed the title as you may have noticed but I'm still not happy with it so it may change again in the future. This will be my last update in a while cos I'm going on holiday, but I'll make this one extra long. Thanks again to all you groovy people who reviewed, you're all stars!

Also could someone please tell me whether this is a Mary Sue or not- I don't mind, I'm just curious.

* * *

Christmas didn't really affect me that year, not in the way it normally did. I was always extremely big on festivities but it just wasn't the same without my parents there. I hated having to stay in the castle for such a length of time- especially at Christmas, and everyone was being so over protective that I wasn't even really allowed to go outside.

The other girls in my dorm tried not to make a big deal about going home, but I could tell that they were all excited- it seemed to crackle round them like electricity. It was almost a relief when they left; it meant that there was no one tiptoeing round me, trying to say the right thing. I would have preferred it if they simply pretended to be ignorant to my current situation but instead that treated my as though I was dying or something.

The day that everyone boarded the train home, the castle turned eerily quiet. At breakfast there was no more than ten students struggling to fill up the vast hall that echoed with emptiness, and Sirius was nowhere to be seen. As far as protectors went, he wasn't very good- for all he knew I could have been kidnapped or brutally murdered in the night, but he didn't appear to be very concerned.

The common room was like something out of the twilight zone- it felt like I was the only person left in the world as I sat alone amongst dozens of vacant chairs. At least it meant that I didn't have to race 100 other eager students for the best seats- I had my pick of the lot. And no one was hogging the tables or the fireplace. If it wasn't so depressingly lonesome it might have actually been quite pleasant, but I hated being the only person around. After half an hour trying to amuse myself, I became frustrated and decided to see if Sirius was in his dormitory.

I tiptoed up the spiral staircase and peeked round the door. There was a line of neat, recently made beds, and at the very end lay a mess of crumpled covers, disarrayed clothing and bare skin. I could make out some dishevelled black hair at the top of the bed, and a foot stuck out from the side. His sleeping form was almost endearing and I hated to disturb him, but I was far to bored to go back downstairs alone.

'Sirius.' I hissed, tickling his foot until he groaned something inaudible and kicked at me grumpily.

'Go away James.' He mumbled, turning over.

'It's not James you idiot, Jesus what do you two get up to in the mornings!' I cried, shaking him.

'Ella, what the hell are you doing in my dormitory/' He demanded, sitting up and looking around in confusion.

'Everyone's gone home and I'm so bored that I would actually brave the uncharted territory of the boys dorms.' I told him

'But-but you're not _supposed _to be in here, I could have been doing a whole manner of private things.' He protested, smoothing down his hair.

'Like what exactly? Besides I know for a fact that Lily's always up here.' I replied casually, lying back on the bed opposite him.

'Yes but that's different-she's James' girlfriend, we have to put up with her invading our personal space for the greater good.' He replied, exasperatedly.

The greater good?' I giggled in a questioning voice.

'I.E keeping James happy- he has the most filthy temper when he doesn't get his own way.' Explained Sirius, as he finally got up, stretching his lanky arms skyward, revealing his lean, perfectly formed torso that gleamed in the morning sunshine. I felt the breath catch in the back of my throat before I mentally scolded myself for thinking such shallow, cliché things about Sirius. It was common knowledge that he had an extremely attractive exterior- some might even say faultless, but I knew how one dimensional and superficial he was, and depth and modesty were things that I valued very highly in people.

'Well I suppose that now I've had my wake up call, I might as well get up.' He yawned, rooting around in his trunk for some clothes.

'I have to say, for someone who's meant to be protecting me, you're not doing a very good job of it.' I remarked as he pulled on a Pink Floyd t-shirt and some old jeans.

'Well you've always struck me as the type of girl who could look after herself. He shrugged, collapsing back onto the bed and crawling under the covers.

'Yes well, if the dark Lord appears in front of me, I think that I may need some back up' I replied sardonically.

'Well what the hell would I be able to do, run around screaming until he blasts me to pieces.'

'Oh I don't know, anyway who the hell is Pink Floyd?' I demanded, eyeing his shirt.

'Pink Floyd are an amazing band I discovered whilst staying with my aunt Flora in Devon. I warn you now not to say anything remotely negative about them, or I will be forced to put you in a full body bind until you apologise.' He explained slowly, as though he was speaking to an idiot.

'Hey I was just curious.' I cried defensively.

'Good.' He murmured, closing his eyes and lying back serenely in his unmade bed. He no longer made an effort to speak and I was beginning to suspect that he'd fallen back to sleep. I was beginning to get a bit fed up- it was just as bad as being in the common room only here there was a strange, unpleasant smell that always seemed to linger around boys rooms.

'Sirius would you please get up- this place reeks.' I moaned, eyeing something green and mouldy looking that lurked under one of the beds.

'No ones asking you to say.' Came his muffled reply, though there was no sign of any movement.

'Well if you don't want get up then I suppose I'll have to go and ask Dumbledore for another minder.' I shrugged, getting up and making towards the door.

I heard him groan in frustration behind me.

'Wait, I'll come with you.' He muttered moodily.

'Fantastic. I feel like going for a walk outside- they've kept me copped up in this musty old place for days.' I said brightly, as Sirius caught up with me.

'Its freezing outside Ella, can't we just play chess or something.' He moaned. I wrinkled my nose at the thought- I've never really understood the whole concept of chess and I've never had the patience to learn.

'Fine, we'll go for a walk if that's what you want.' He sighed dramatically.

'Super.' I grinned, pulling on a coat.

I led the way out towards the forbidden forest, with Sirius trailing behind me shivering pathetically. The air was sharp against my skin but the sun sparkled spectacularly in the sky- it was one of those days that made you feel invincible.

'Isn't it wonderful?' I cried, dancing around- feeling so lucky to be alive.

'No its bloody cold- there's nothing wonderful about frost bite!' He hissed, his teeth chattering violently.

'Oh stop being such a cry baby, you're spoiling my good mood!' I snapped, scanning the scenery for a suitable place to sit down. After analysing the place for a moment I plonked myself down under a leafy elm.

'Why do you have to sit down out here- why can't we sit down in the common room by the fire.' He whinged, jiggling around in an amusingly futile attempt to keep warm.

'Because I feel like getting some fresh air- and you need some to, its good for your.' I smiled, lying back on the soft grass. Sirius grumbled some more, before joining me on the grass. He sat sulking in silence for a while, but once I managed to conjure up an enchanted fire he seemed to cheer up. He watched me for a while with a strange look on his face before I became agitated by his scrutiny?

'What is it?' I asked irritably.

'Well, I just wondered- you know about your parents and everything, I was just wondering how you felt about it all.' He said nervously, playing about with a blade of grass.

'Oh I feel great about it.' I smiled brightly.

'Really?' He exclaimed, looking horrified.

'Of course not muffin- brain, I'm as scared as hell.' I snapped, giving him a filthy look.

'Sorry.' He mumbled ruffling his hair. His sheepish expression made something inside me soften; I could tell he was only trying to be nice.

'What I mean to say is, yes I'm terrified. I know what happens to people when you know who sets his sights on them, but what good is it going to do anyone if I sit around feeling sorry for myself or crying all over the place.' I shrugged, smiling sadly at him.

'Well if you do feel like crying, I won't go all weird on you, I mean I'll understand.' He said earnestly. I gave him a funny look and raised an eyebrow.

'That's okay Sirius- but I'll let you know next time I feel like crying.' I replied.

'I just meant that I won't be a typical boy if you happen to start crying.' He shrugged.

'Well I'll bear that in mind.' I grinned.

We lay in silence for a few more moments before he decided to speak again.

'Are you're parents members of the Order of the Phoenix?' He asked, leaning himself lazily against the tree and looking down at me.

'Yeah, they were two of the founding members in fact, but they've only really started getting into recently. Before they were basically the glorified caterers but then my dad became a spy at the Ministry of Magic- you wouldn't believe how corrupt it is there, at least half of them have some kind of connection to You know who. Life's become a lot harder for them lately, and I guess they've just found out that my dads the one responsible.' I explained. It felt good to finally tell someone exactly what was going on. I had restrained myself from telling the girls, knowing that they would bombard me with awkward question then gossip about it intimately when I went out of the room. Considering that Sirius and I were the only ones around for two whole weeks it seemed doubtful that he would discuss it with anyone else, and by the time everyone returned it would be old news.

'And your mum?' He asked

'She has the information that will put away at least three major Death Eaters.' I said quietly, knowing that it was this knowledge that had caused my parents to flee.

'I didn't know any of this stuff until they left- I guess I wasn't important enough to tell.' I sighed, doodling in the earth with my fingers.

'Hey, don't say things like that, they were probably trying to protect you.' He said softly.

'Yeah, a lot of good that did, now I'm parentless and alone with an evil tyrant breathing down my neck.' I muttered, feeling a fat teardrop down my check.

'Are you going to go weird on me now?' I choked, trying to dry my face with my sleeve.

'Course not.' Smiled Sirius, wrapping his arms around me tenderly and cradling me- I felt so utterly stupid and hypocritical as I sat there sobbing into the shoulder of Sirius Black of all people!

His arms were tight and protective and as I leant against him, consumed by a sudden wave of grief, I felt almost safe, more so than I had felt since I found out about my parents.

I felt the shift in Sirius immediately; his head came away from its nestling place on my shoulder and moved towards my face. I blinked at him for a moment, confusion raking through me until he brought his lips down upon mine and made his intentions clear. They fluttered there for one fleeting moment before I wrenched us apart aggressively and glared at him furiously.

'You're such a fucking idiot Sirius.' I bellowed, giving him a withering look before turning away and making my way back to the castle, feeling violated and alone. He had opened me up and pretended to care, in a heartless, shameless attempt to seduce me. How could anyone be so ruthless and shallow? I had let my guard down for little more than a few minutes and that was all it took for someone like Sirius to try and take advantage. I had been so very right about love and all the stupid games it played, but the strangest thing was that I felt almost sorry my predictions about Sirius had turned out to be correct.

* * *

After everything that was happening with my parents recently, I had completely forgotten about the ongoing battle that I was waging with romance, but Sirius' advances brought it all back to the forefront of my mind. How could love be so callous? I didn't understand anything that was going on in my life at that moment, couldn't fathom why everything had suddenly turned so complicated. The weeks prior to my parents disappearance were made up of simple, insignificant events that I didn't really even remember anymore, but now everything that happened to me seemed to have a momentous impact on my life.

Though I had been completely flabbergasted by Sirius' kiss, I can't deny the effect it had on me- underneath the inappropriateness and shock of it, a part of me had almost enjoyed the short lived sensation of having his lips pressed upon mine. The closeness between the two of us took away some of the loneliness I had been feeling ever since I learnt about the fate of my parents, and though I had wisely put a stop to the kiss, knowing that I would regret it in the long run, I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if, rather than tearing us apart I would have returned his embrace with equal ardour.

But I was still angry and confused about the whole thing. How could he use me like that when he knew exactly what I was going through? I had never needed a friend more desperately than at that moment, but he failed to take on that role and I was left feeling hollow and alone. The next day was Christmas and I had never felt less festive in my life.

It had been a week since my encounter with Dumbledore and I had heard nothing more about my parents, but I was clinging on to the hope that no news was good news. I had successfully avoided running into Sirius for the past three days, but this was mostly due to the fact that he had barely ventured out of his dormitory. A part of me was greatful for this, but deep down I knew an encounter was unavoidable and it was more than likely to be intense, unpleasant and more than a little awkward.

The inevitable happened on the evening of Christmas Eve, when I made my way up to the common room after dinner, my arms laden with decorations. To be honest, I didn't really feel like celebrating very much but its tradition and I felt I had to respect that. I crawled clumsily through the portrait hole, my vision blocked by a rather large dancing Santa and therefore I did not see the two legs stretched out across the room until I felt my self tripping over them and flying through the air. I had wondered how our next meeting would come about, but in my imagination I had always been a little less airborne. I hit the floor with a loud smack and my arms began to throb unpleasantly

'Why do you have to put your stupid clown feet right in front of me' I demanded, sitting up and glaring at Sirius, who was gazing down at me in complete shock.

'Oh yes, because that little episode was completely my fault.' He replied, his lips twitching dangerously and I could tell that he was trying hard not to laugh.

'If you so much as smile I swear to God I'll hex you so badly you'll still be charming the warts of your ass at Easter.' I threatened, giving him a particularly nasty look.

'What makes you think that I would feel the urge to laugh at your entrance Ella, there was nothing remotely funny about watching you fly across the common room.' He replied innocently, as I heaved myself from the floor and staggered over to our rather bare looking Christmas tree.

'Look Ella, before your blind flight, I did intend to beg your forgiveness when you came in.' He said seriously, coming over and sitting in a chair right by me.

'What, because of your awful, insensitive, shallow, self-deprecating, heartless, disgusting behaviour the other day?' I asked without looking at him. I could see Sirius's face scrunch up in protest out of the corner of my eye.

'I'd rather we just called it the unfortunate incident. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am Ella- I know what a bad time this is for you and how completely inappropriate my behaviour was, but I swear to you that what happened was completely spontaneous. I didn't set out to seduce you or anything sordid like that, it just kind of happened.' He said, self-disgust evident on his face, and I felt my wall of resentment crumble a little.

'Yeah well, its pretty easy to stop a kiss from happening Sirius, you just don't kiss someone.' I replied astringently. Sirius had a look of torture on his face, but I was not going to make it easy for him.

'You'd think that Ella, wouldn't you? But it had already happened before I'd even realised it had begun. I know that's hard to understand, but I'm simply asking you to try, and believe me when I say I've never felt so terrible about anything I've done in my entire life, even when I turned Katie's legs into tentacles accidentally that time in Transfiguration.' He sighed earnestly.

'I take it 'accidentally' has a different definition to you than it does to everyone else.' I remarked, but my voice was no longer angry.

'Well I guess it was slightly intentional- but I had no idea that they'd start oozing like that.' He grinned as we shared the memory of Katie turning into a human squid.

'Are we okay?' He asked seriously and I couldn't help but forgive him.

For the rest of that evening we decorated the room together, and I went to bed with the warm contentment of knowing that I had at least one friend on the premises, a thought that took the piercing edge off of the agonising sensation of loneliness I'd been experiencing for the past week.

* * *

A/N: I know that chapter was a little bit slushy towards the end but I thought that because it was Christmas at Hogwarts, I'd give Ella a break. 


	5. The missing

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**_

**_A/N: Just one review for that last chapter- I guess that's probably telling me something, so I'll try and make this one better. If any one has any ideas for the story then please don't hesitate to tell me, especially concerning the title which I'm still not happy with. _**

**_Oh wow this is great guys- I've just found out that Sirius is actually the name of a star- and not just any star, but the Dog star. You probably all already knew that, but I didn't and I think that it's so cool!_**

**_Just a warning about the very slight sexual reference at the end of the chapter and I've changed the rating for future chapters.

* * *

_**

Chapter 8: The Missing

It was three days after a rather bleak Christmas and Sirius and I were sitting in the common where he was attempting to teach me to play chess. It was a futile task as I was far too impatient to learn and Sirius was not the greatest teacher in the world, but we bumbled along having nothing better to do except play our thousandth game of exploding snap.

'Stop going for my queen Sirius- God you're so sexist!' I exclaimed as one of his soldier things cut my poor queen in two.

'For Merlin's sake Ella, its what you're meant to do. I'm not playing with you if you keep going on at me!' he replied exasperatedly, ruffling his hair in frustration.

'So what's this thingy then?' I asked after a few moments of intense silence, in which Sirius worked out his next move with extreme focus and concentration.

'That thingy Ella is, as I told you ten minutes ago, a pawn. I wish you'd listen when I explained things to you.' H e muttered in annoyance.

'Touché' I mumbled under my breath, mentally picking a number from one to five, and then moving my pawn that number of spaces. In what I can only describe as an amazing stroke of good luck, the little figurine pulled out his miniature sword and slaughtered one of Sirius' knights. Sirius bellowed in frustration and pushed his chair over- I've since come to the conclusion that boys hate losing anything, even if it's just a silly little man made of stone and consequently boys don't take being beaten lightly.

'Wow calm down Sirius, it's only a stupid game, and you're still winning by miles.' I remarked casually.

'Yes but taking away that particular knight messes up my entire game plan- and its not even like you did it with any kind of skill, I bet you did it with some stupid guess!' he exclaimed in obvious annoyance.

'I am hurt that you would think that I am that awful at this game Sirius, I knew exactly what you were planning with that knight and in my highly skilled mind I deduced a skilful plan to take it.' I cried in an extremely offended voice.

'Okay then Ella, what exactly was I planning to do with that Knight?' He asked with a bemused look on his face.

'Um well, you were- you were planning to steal my other players!' I declared over-confidently. Sirius arched an eyebrow at me, giving me a 'yeah right and Snape and I have been secretly married for the past two years' kind of look, that I have to admit did have a certain, lazy sexiness to it. I could almost see what Katy had gone so crazy over- and let me emphasize the word almost in that sentence. The more time I spent with Sirius, the more I realised that there was more to him than I had initially given him credit for. In our short spell of being potions partners I had come to the conclusion that Sirius was indolent, selfish and one-dimensional but that Christmas had corrected my largely inaccurate assumptions.

He was passionate, intelligent and cared deeply for his friends. I'm no psychologist but I couldn't help but analyse Sirius, as he was such a complex character, something that I had failed to recognise during the previous six years of my knowing him. I had simply seen the overly confident boy who joyfully hexed anyone who happened to cross his path, and steadily went through every girl in the year he deemed good enough. I did not see the neglected, scared little boy who yearned for the attention and acceptance that his parents had neglected to provide. I did not see the gaping holes inside of him, which he tried to fill by going through girl after girl, and I did not see the loyal, devoted friend that he was to Peter, James and Remus.

However right at that moment I was not enjoying the company of the chess playing Sirius, it was nothing personal, just that his obsessed determination to completely annihilate all my little chess pieces was starting to irritate me. I didn't even care that I was losing horribly to him, in fact I was trying to lose just so the game could be finished a few moments earlier and Sirius could return to his usual calm, unfazed demure.

'Can we please just say you've won already- this is worse than listening to Snape drone on about gilly weed!' I moaned, watching his bishop turn another of my players to a pile of rubble.

'Come on Ella, we're nearly finished- be a sport.'

'Fine, but we're not playing another game**- ever**.' I grumbled in reply, slowing inching my king out of his refuge place behind some knights. Sirius didn't seem to notice my obvious intentions, and fell right into my trap. He cried out in triumph as he surrounded my king.

'HA- Check mate, you lose!' He exclaimed. I let myself smile in relief, as I sprawled back in my chair feeling physically drained from our game- and other things. The whereabouts of my parents still weighed heavily on my mind. It had now been almost two weeks since I last heard about them and Dumbledore was keeping his distance- I suppose he was busy, but still I wished that he would talk to me, reassure me that everything would turn out for the best. I was still as confused and in the dark as ever, nothing seemed to make sense any more, not even Sirius. Before the two of us had been forced together, he was nothing to me but now I could feel something growing between us and it was a foreign, uncomfortable feeling that I wished to stifle and vanquish.

'Do you want to hear something hilarious?' Asked Sirius after a few moments of amiable silence in which I had begun shuffling a pack of cards and dealing them out to Sirius and I.

'Always.' I replied, rolling over to look at him.

'James wrote me a couple of days ago saying that he was thinking of proposing to Lily- just think of James getting married!' Cried Sirius, laughing a little but I could tell he was no more amused by the news than I was. I think that he felt threatened by the obvious rival for his best friends attention.

'That's not funny, that's insane- they're only eighteen. Ten galleons says he never goes through with it.' I retorted dismissively.

'Don't be so cynical- I mean James really does love her. I know that he has a funny way of showing it some times, but as much as I hate to admit it they do have something special.' Sirius retorted with obvious effort.

'What does love ever mean anyway, it seems to me that all it is, is a reason to go all doey eyed for a couple of weeks before he rips your heart out then stuffs it down your neck!' I exclaimed passionately, all my convictions about love suddenly bubbling up inside me like badly shaken butter-beer. Sirius' eyes suddenly bulged with surprise- I don't think that he expected such a fiery reaction from me considering that most of the time I am pretty docile, as long as someone isn't trying to stick their tongue down my throat.

'I take it that you've been treated badly in the past.' He remarked timidly, I think that he had been a bit frightened by my outburst.

'Certainly not, I've never let myself succumb to love.' I retorted shortly, however when I said it, it sounded slightly pathetic. I mean generally when people claim to have fallen in love someone they don't tend to say that they have 'succumbed' to it.

'Neither have I, though that's not through choice or anything.' He said simply, his eyes fixed on the cards I had just dealt him.

'What! You've had more girlfriends than Remus has had days off' I scoffed in disbelief.

'Yes but that doesn't automatically mean I've been in love with any of them.' He replied simply. I gazed at him in complete shock.

'So you've never felt anything for any of them? Do you have any idea how shallow that sounds?' I demanded- Katy appearing at the forefront of my mind. She had agonised over him for so long but it had all been in vain, Sirius had never cared about her at all.

'I didn't say that did I? I just said that I didn't love any of them- not the way that James loves Lily anyway. I mean sure they were all nice and I liked them but none of them offered anything new or special. They were all so… repetitive.' He explained, looking up at me intently.

'I guess I'm looking for someone different- unique.' He finished, giving me a strange look. And then realisation hit me like a bludger, he meant me!

'Oh' I squeaked, looking down at my hands as though they were the most fascinating things that I'd ever seen in my life.

'You intrigue me Ella, James told me what a positive enigma you are but it took me a while to realise this for myself.' He stated softly, but those dark ebony eyes were pulling me places I didn't want to go. I stood up quickly and purposefully and turned away from him.

'I'm going to dinner now.' I declared, making my departure as rapidly as possible. I tried to put on a cool, unfazed front but it barely disguised the quivering wreck that lay beneath. My pulse was racing and my breath escaped in short raked bursts. Something about knowing that Sirius liked me was burrowing deep inside my skin and causing havoc there. He was breaking down all my defences and I didn't like it one little bit.

I was walking in the general direction of the Great Hall wondering whether it would be Shepard's pie again for dinner, and if so, would they put in those awful green bean things in it, when Professor McGonagall suddenly appeared at my side and quietly asked me to accompany her to the Headmasters office. I felt my stomach drop, as though I had just swallowed a brick as I tried to keep up with McGonagalls speeding form. What was this about? Did they have news on my parents? Was it good or bad? There was so many questions whirling around my mind that I barely even registered being ushered into the office and pushed into a chair opposite Dumbledore. I tried not to register the sombre, mournful look on his face that told me everything before he uttered a single word; instead I simply gazed at a picture behind him.

'Ella, my dear child it pains me more than I can say to have to speak theses words but I'm afraid that as of this morning we have lost contact with your parents' He sighed, gazing at me sadly.

'Lost contact, I-I'm sorry sir but I'm not entirely sure what you mean.' I stuttered, feeling suddenly light headed and nauseous. I had expected him to tell me that they were dead, but lost contact was something different altogether, it offered the faintest glimmer of hope.

'Well they were supposed to meet with Alice Longbottom this morning, however they never made an appearance at the rendezvous point. We have been searching for them all day but have yet to find them. I urge you in this uncertain time, to stay inside the grounds at all times and do not venture anywhere alone. I do not know what all this means yet and whether you are in any immediate danger so please cooperate with us and do not get yourself into any unnecessary peril. I promise that you will be the first to know as soon as I hear any news concerning the fate of your parents.' Explained Dumbledore with slow sombreness.

'So they're missing then, I'm assuming that isn't a good thing.' I replied, licking my lips uncertainly.

'Its not the best news I've ever had to share, but it isn't as dire as it could be. Who knows Ella, perhaps they simply got lost.' Offered Dumbledore with a small sigh.

'Yes but you don't really believe that do you. Please just tell me one thing, what are the chances of my ever seeing them again?' I asked desperately.

'I don't want to cause you any unnecessary anguish Ella, but I can't deny the poor chance of your parents survival' Said Dumbledore softly, reaching across his desk and taking my hands in his, but I barely registered the contact. My skin suddenly felt numb as a sudden roaring filled my ears. The next thing that I would hear from Dumbledore would be the news of my parent's death; I knew this as well as Dumbledore did.

I left the office in a trance, feeling the bitter throb of grief attack my heart as I made my way back to the Common room. The pain was worse than anything I'd ever

Suffered before, it was so intense that I felt as though I could never be happy again; it was almost as though a dementor was closing in on me. I'm not entirely sure how I made it back to the portrait, or how I managed to crawl through, as my recollection of those terrible moments is somewhat hazy, but I do recall seeing Sirius standing there before me as though it were yesterday. Concern filled those hypnotising dark eyes as he watched me stumble through the porthole and shakily regain my balance. We looked at each other for a few moments, I have no idea what was going through his mind but all I could think about was how the sensation of his lips on mine had momentarily made me forget everything- could his embrace make me forget again?

'Ella...' He began, but the words were disregarded as I pressed my lips to his, pushing him forcefully against the hard stonewall. He responded immediately with equal fever before pushing me away much like I had done to him a few days before.

'Stop it Ella, I don't want to take advantage of you.' He gasped, putting a hand to his bruised lips.

'Sirius please, I just need to feel something other than pain- its either this or putting my hand in the fire.' I pleaded, pulling at the side of his cloak. Sirius stood still for a moment, obviously considering his current predicament, but I took this opportunity to pull his cloak away and entwine my arms around his neck, forcing my lips on his once more. This time he didn't try to break away.

* * *

**_I've decided that this story is going to be a trilogy, so there is only going to be another two or three chapters in this first instalment. I hope you liked this chapter as it took me quite a while to finish, but this may be because I was also working on an English assignment at the same time. _**


	6. last night she said oh baby i feel so do...

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

A/N: I'm sorry that I've taken so long to upload this chapter, what can I say writers block is one serious bitch!

I just re-watched the Prisoner of Azkaban and I noticed that Ian Brown is in the Leaky Cauldron scene- how cool is that!

I awoke the next morning with the instant realisation that something was amiss. I turned over slowly and was met with the sight of Sirius sleeping peacefully next to me, his face slightly obscured by a curtain of dark, black hair. Did we sleep together? Did that really happen or was it some hallucination conjured up by my grieving subconscious. The overwhelming evidence of crumpled clothing strewn across the floor and the two of us sharing a bed seemed to point to the stunning conclusion that something had happened between the two of us- how had I possibly allowed this to happen? I was shocked by my own behaviour, appalled by what I had done. I was the girl who had always insisted that I would never succumb to shallow, physical urges and yet here I was sharing a bed with Sirius Black of all people.

Whilst dealing with the surprise and disgust of my current predicament I had momentarily forgotten everything I had been told about my parents, but as I went back over the events of the previous day my memory came rushing back to me, each recollection landing like a block of lead in the pit of my stomach. This was why I had turned to Sirius for comfort, because physical acts with him delayed the inevitable pain and anguish. I pulled on my clothes as quickly as I could and departed from the room, saturated in self-disgust. I had gotten myself into such a terrible mess and had even managed to ostracise myself from the only person in the entire bloody school who I could actually have a normal conversation with- how did life manage to tie itself up in such complicated knots?

I wanted nothing more than to turn the clock back twelve hours, and go straight up to bed after I had come back from Dumbledores office to deal with my grief alone, but I knew perfectly well that this was simply impossible and that it wouldn't do to keep lamenting about my situation with Sirius- I had enough problems to be getting on with without that adding to it. I would just pretend that it had never happened, that our relationship was still purely platonic- I know that it probably wasn't the greatest plan I've ever orchestrated but it was the best I could come up with, and until the time came when I would have to face him again there was always simple, straight forward avoidance.

I was now forbidden to leave the castle- I wasn't even really supposed to be wandering around on my own, but the alternative would be to go and wake Sirius up and I really did not want to do that. So I decided that the best thing to do would be to go where I always went to escape the world around me- the library to absorb myself in schoolwork. Yes I know what you're thinking- GEEK, but I don't care if this is what I was, I mean surely being intelligent and driven can't be regarded as a negative attribute, but I suppose most girls would think that I was insane to pass up a romantic encounter with Sirius in favour of academia.

I was still researching for my Potions assignment two hours later, when I heard Sirius's voice asking the librarian whether she'd seen me. Luckily I was hidden down the darkest most deserted aisle in the entire room where he would never normally have thought of looking, but sadly Madame Brush (the elderly, evil librarian) had seen me lurking there earlier and was more than willing to point Sirius in the right direction- of course she had a crush on him, as did most of the female population in the school minus McGonagall and perhaps the beefy Slytherin 7th year Mildred Magnus who everyone knew was deeply in love with Madame Hooch, and just the sight of him made her blush and giggle like a little girl.

'Hey Ella.' He said softly as he quietly approached me. I didn't bother to turn around, feeling as though something as personal as looking him in the face might result in a repeat of the previous night, when I had somehow lost all of my senses and bizarrely ended up in bed with him!

'Are you here to do work, because if not I'd rather you leave now instead of hovering behind me distracting me!' I snapped irritably. I was actually quite embarrassed to face him again, not knowing how to act around someone you had been so intimate with- you see I was unfamiliar with these situations as before last night I happened to be the most virginal girl in the whole of the 7th year- a status that was widely known and often discussed and ridiculed.

'Well I just thought that you know, we should probably talk about what happened between us and everything.' He muttered, and I could tell that he felt just as awkward as I did although I'm not really sure why as it was common knowledge that Sirius Black was the biggest playboy in the whole of Hogwarts- sex was nothing new to him. I was sure that I would make a most impressive conquest to add to his list- not because I was particularly popular, but because people had been placing bets on who would finally 'do' me since the beginning of the fifth year when I stupidly told Katy that I would never ever have sex as it was the most vile thing I had ever heard of, and an hour later she had informed practically the entire school! That's friends for you.

'Look I really don't want to talk about it now.' I replied shortly with my back still to him. I knew that he was standing extremely close to me; I could feel the heat radiating off of him into me and the sensation made me feel both incredibly uncomfortable and strangely relaxed at the same time.

'Well we've got to talk about it some time!' He retorted with a hint of irritation in his voice.

'Can't we just leave it and go back to the way things were!' I said with a small sigh, grudgingly turning around.

'What so last night was a one off then?' He spat as his silver-grey eyes clouded with anger.

'No last night was a mistake.' I replied calmly, trying not to meet his penetrating gaze.

'Oh well I'm glad we got that straight!' He hissed, his mouth twitching unpleasantly. He looked absolutely livid.

'Look, what do you want me to say?' I demanded, annoyance suddenly boiling up inside me at the audacity of Sirius' anger- how dare he get mad at me for doing something that he did every other day! He was renowned for sleeping with a girl one minute and then blowing her off the next.

'I don't know, how about saying that last night meant something to you at least!' He exclaimed loudly, causing the librarian to shush us loudly from her desk.

'You know what kind of a state I was in last night- I don't even really remember what happened it was all just a grief induced blur!' I whispered back.

He gave me a withering glare and stepped a little closer so that his face was just inches from mine. I gasped in fright- I had never seen him this mad before and he looked unpredictable and menacing.

'So that's all I was to you then, a grief induced mistake?' he asked in a dangerously low voice.

'Well what was I to you, just anther conquest, another notch on your bed post, another girl to brag about to your friends.' I bit back a lot more confidently than I felt. He recoiled slightly looking somewhat shocked.

'You know that isn't true, you know how I feel about you Ella, I thought I made that clear yesterday afternoon.' He snapped incredulously.

'Yeah well I'm sure you give all the girls that bullshit just before you bed them, excuse me for doubting the biggest slag in the entire school!' I retorted acidly. Sirius stepped back in disbelief and dare I say it, hurt- yes he actually looked hurt by what I said. Upon seeing the look on his face I began to feel a twinge of regret, I probably shouldn't have spoken so brashly, but I had a terrible habit of voicing whatever happened to pop into my head without thinking.

'I'm sorry, that was out of line' I began, but he quickly brushed away my apology.

'Save it Ella, if that's what you really think then I'm just wasting my time here- you obviously don't give a hippogriffs behind about me.' He retorted quickly and emotionlessly before turning on his heel and vacating the library.

I felt the awful weight of guilt crashing down on me as I watched his retreating back, and something else- the same strange, foreign feeling that had been slowly growing inside me for some time.

A/N: Reviews make the world a better place- please do your bit!


	7. Talk tonight

**_Disclaimer: I don't own anything, if I thought that I did then I would be very delusional._**

_A/N: I meant to have this chapter up over a week ago but life's just been a blur of overdue deadlines and repaid favours so I haven't really had much time for my story but I'm very sorry about the delay._

_Nobody else seemed very enthusiastic about Ian Brown popping up in T.P.O.A, oh well only me then!_

_I'm thinking that maybe I should start thanking reviewers personally in my updates cos other people seem to be doing that and I think that I should to show you guys out there how grateful I am for your support- reviews are the best pick me up after a terrible day at college etc. ( I'm just going to start with the reviews from last chapter)_

_bluerain627: I just wanted to start out by saying an enormous thank you for reviewing my story from the very beginning and always saying lovely things and being so supportive- I was so touched when you said that this was you favourite story. Anyway I'm glad you don't blame Ella cos I wanted to try and get across that she was really upset and she wouldn't normally do anything like that. I really hope that you like this chapter!_

_Fg: Thanks, I will!_

_Cassiopia Black: Ella is going to talk to Sirius this chapter about everything and hopefully sort it out but I don't want to give too much away! Sirius was a bit intimidating but I was trying to portray a darker side to him, which I think was put across in The Order of the Phoenix._

_bitemehbiatch: I think that this review might be from the old chapter 6, before I changed the order but what the hell. That was one of the nicest reviews I've ever got- I'm so glad you thought that Sirius is funny, I was scared that I was making him really lame and annoying! I'm also ecstatic that you think Ella kicks ass- yay she's not a Mary Sue!_

_xmnemosynex: again I think that this may be old, but thanks for reviewing and I hope that you're still reading!_

_Wow I think that I rambled on for a bit to long there, so I guess I should just get on with it!

* * *

_

I felt slightly apprehensive about venturing back up to the common room that afternoon, but I needn't have worried, as Sirius was nowhere to be seen. I assumed that he was probably sulking up in his dormitory or something and I was glad that he had hidden himself- I was still reeling from our last encounter and I wanted to give him time to calm down before I had to face him again. I felt some comfort in the knowledge that there was only five days left of the Christmas holidays and soon the school would be filled with noisy, mischievous pupils once more- as soon as Sirius was reunited with his friends I would be forgotten about in a flurry of dung bombs, childish pranks and evening detentions. Until then I still had good old-fashioned avoidance to keep me going.

* * *

I climbed the stairs to my dormitory sluggishly, and collapsed on my bed like a prize boxer who had suddenly lost the will to fight. For someone who had always prided themselves for being clear minded and focused, I was feeling awfully dazed and confused.

My perfect, intricately planned, charmed life had suddenly gone up in smoke and I had no idea who I was any more or where I was headed. A few days ago I would not have come within three feet of Sirius Black, in fact the girl I used to be would laugh scornfully at anyone who would let him into their knickers and yet somehow I had become one of the people that I detested the most.

I felt around under my mattress for a wad of photographs that I'd stashed away at the beginning of term.

I looked down at the pictures of my parents and I waving and smiling up at me with a strange sort of wistfulness in my stomach. I couldn't understand how I could be sitting there looking straight at them and yet I had no idea where they were. We looked so happy in the photos- we were three shining of examples of perfect bliss- my how things change. In one picture I'm sitting on the back of a giant elephant which is trying desperately to steal my fathers new Indiana Jones style hat that he was so proud of- I allowed myself a brief smile a the memory, it had been a wonderful holiday. I was blessed with having parents whom I actually got along with and enjoyed spending time with- they were young, adventurous and had a formidable zest for life, although they were known for their tendencies to over react hence the insane Azcaban escapade.

My trip down memory lane was interrupted somewhat by the sound of my dormitory door being thrust open forcibly as Sirius marched purposefully into the room, his eyes blazing as though ready for a fight. However his fierce battle stance melted away completely the instant he took in my tear stained face and crumpled, defeated figure.

'What's wrong?' He asked with genuine concern, crossing the room quickly and sitting down uninvited next to me.

'I was just thinking about, you know, things- taking it all in.' I shrugged, sighing heavily as I tried to wipe away my tears. I felt him move closer to me as a hand stroked my cheek tenderly.

'I'm sorry I shouted at you- you didn't need that.' He said softly.

'You had every reason to be angry, I deserved it.' I sniffed in response, unconsciously moving closer to him, feeling great comfort from his presence.

'I should have been more understanding.' He stated

'It doesn't matter, you're here now.' I sighed, resting my weary head on his shoulder. Him being there made me feel infinitely better. Sirius picked up the photos, which I had let, flutter to the ground and gazed at them with a strange look on his face.

'Are they your parents?' He asked as they waved up at him enthusiastically. I nodded

'Your mum looks just like you.' He remarked, gazing at the young, fresh-faced woman

'I know, its almost like looking in the mirror.' I replied sadly, burying my head further into his shoulder, feeling almost as though if I could just burrow right inside of him then maybe the pain would go away forever, but in grief there aren't any easy way outs like that only momentary windows.

'Well at least you know you won't be ugly when you grow up.' He said lamely with a half smile playing on his lips.

'If that's the only positive thing you can get out of this whole situation then I really am in trouble.' I mumbled from somewhere near his collarbone.

Sirius shifted and gently cupped my chin in his soft hand, looking at me intently with those searching silver- grey eyes.

'I could think of a million positive things to come out of this situation, but they're all selfish.' He said seriously, his fingers burning into the soft skin around my face.

'Oh yeah?' I asked, although it was more like a squeak because my stomach was being shaken up inside by a bizarre clash of emotions and I seemed to have lost the ability to speak normally.

Sirius leant down and lightly pressed his lips to mine- it was barely even a kiss it was so brief but the contact felt wonderful and incredibly intimate. I broke the embrace after a few short moments, staring up at him in confusion.

'I'm sorry Ella, I shouldn't have done that.' He said quickly, moving away from me and getting up from the bed.

'DO you really like me Sirius?' I asked his retreating back, Sirius stopped dead in his tracks and turned slowly giving me a truly baffled look.

'What do you mean?'

'Do you really like me or are you only here because I'm the only girl around and being with me beats being alone. I mean are you going to forget all about me the minute term starts again?' I questioned. Sirius stared at me in surprise.

'Of course I like you- do you really think I'd be that shallow?' He exclaimed in almost a hurt voice.

'Then don't go.' I begged. Sirius looked considerably confused at my sudden change of heart- wasn't I the one who said just a few hours ago that being with him was a huge mistake?

'Ella I know you're upset but you can't keep doing this to me- I have feelings to you know!' He said almost impatiently, but I knew that I couldn't let him go.

'But I want you to stay Sirius, and not just because I'm upset- I really don't want you to go.' I replied truthfully, intertwining our fingers in a hope that the contact would persuade him not to leave.

'Ella, you really hurt me this afternoon and I don't know if I could stand to be hurt like that again.' He sighed with obvious effort.

'Please don't go.' I asked again. Sirius had a tortured look on his face- I could tell he was having some difficulty deciding what to do. Suddenly he took a step closer and pulled me to my feet. I felt his warm breath on my cheek as I gazed up at him in nervous anticipation- last night was a frenzied, thoughtless blur but right now I knew exactly what was happening, and I wanted it to transpire- I wanted Sirius and as a girl who had never even really had a crush on a boy before and had sworn off romance from a young age this was a rather startling discovery.

Sirius lent down and tenderly met my lips with his in a kiss that was so gentle it was almost chaste- it was the way that our first kiss should have felt but at least we were making up for missed opportunities now. I tentatively wrapped my arms around his neck and slowly deepened the kiss, silently wondering how my body knew exactly what to do even though it was almost a stranger to this kind of intimacy. We stood for a while, completely wrapped up in each other before I tried to bring our embrace to the next level, but surprisingly it was Sirius who pulled away.

'I don't think that's such a good idea Ella.' He said with obvious effort.

'We've done it before.' I replied almost cheekily, sitting back on the bed and looking up at him with desire burning brightly in my eyes.

'Yes but that was completely different- we barely even know each other and I want our second time to be…right.' He sighed, 'I think that I should probably go.'

I felt panic rise through me like vomit- he couldn't leave me alone, now that I had finally admitted my feelings to myself, I never wanted to be without him again.

'Stay- I promise I'll restrain my self.' I smiled, grabbing at his robes and pulling him down next to me.

* * *

_'Well if you swear that you'll be good.' He smirked, leaning his weight on top of me and kissing the breath out of me._

* * *

A/N: I have no idea when the next chapter will be up but hopefully it will be sometime this week. 


End file.
